Focus on What You Can Control in Your Life
We spend (waste) so much time worrying about the things we can’t control in life. The election results, the pandemic, and many other events that have been stressful for people.
Be still.
Take a breath.
Now, just focus on what is within your control.
With the pandemic, all you can do is make your own choices about how to best protect yourself. Whether you get sick or whether this will ever end, let that not be the space your mind occupies.
Similarly, with the election, all you could do was vote or participate in your local political groups.
But whether you get the policies you desire or the person you hope will be elected, let that not be the space your mind occupies.
These are all things, beyond your own small acts, that are outside of your control.
Our society spends much of it’s energy focusing on what’s happening out there, and not what’s happening “in here.”
When I say, “in here”, I mean in your space, in your body, in your mind, and in your life. It’s when we put maximum focus in those areas, we ultimately determine our overall happiness.
Unless the events of the world cause you physical harm, they only influence your emotions. And usually, the influence is negative.
I want to remind you of the things that you have the most control of over right now. You can start focusing more on them today.
1. How you think and feel
One of the few things you have some level of control over is your thoughts and emotions.
You can choose to think certain thoughts to encourage yourself and make yourself feel better. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an example of this.
Learning that I could challenge the negative thoughts and come up with more positive alternatives helped with my anxiety.
Not only did it help with mine, but studies have proven it to be successful for others well.
With regards to emotions, a key component to controlling them is believing it.
A study found that believing you can control your emotions are actually more able to control them.
The reason was because participants were more likely to use emotional regulation techniques to help manage their emotions. As a result, they had greater emotional satisfaction.
The truth is you do have some control over your emotions. There’s probably been a time in your life where you shifted your emotions from an intense mood to a calm mood.
As an example, many people are able to calm themselves down listening to music they like, watching something funny, or doing a physical activity.
If you’ve done these or other things when you were upset, and after you did them, you felt a little better, that’s proof right there you can control your emotions.
And according to this Berkeley University science article, there are many benefits to you believing you can manage your emotions and following through on it.
One other study found that it is possible to change your beliefs about your emotions.
So, if you don’t feel right now like you can control how you feel, be encouraged to know that it is possible to start believing you can.
Related: 20 Ways To Make Yourself Feel Better Now
2. What you consume
Your mind and body consume a variety of things daily. Food, liquids, information, and so much more. In general, most of us have control over what kinds of things we consume.
We can eat and drink what is good for the body, or we can deteriorate over time from what is bad.
The information we choose to let in can be a ray of sunshine that motivates and inspires us. Or it can be a dark cloud that causes us stress and anxiety.
We can’t prevent everything negative, but we can limit ourselves to mostly what’s positive.
Life as it is through your eyes, within your space, and in your mind, can be as beautiful as you want to be.
Related: How To Use Social Media Wisely and Mindfully
3. What you do
You can do a lot of things in your life. You can really improve your life. We can’t stop the stock market from crashing, but we can save more of our money.
We can’t make the price of health care go down, but we can take care of ourselves better. What you do with your time, outside of your obligations, is completely up to you.
Will you do something that’s worthwhile?
Related: 40 Ways To Live Life To The Fullest
4. Where you go
You may not be able to go everywhere, but you can go somewhere. Choose to go places that stretch you to a higher level of growth.
Choose to stop going to places that are tearing you down and slowing your progress. You can find ways to surround yourself less around the energies that don’t uplift you.
The spaces we enter should be refreshing. They should be filled with love, warmth, and hope.
It may take some of us longer to find these destinations. But we can keep trying to take steps towards the direction we want our life to go.
Related: 3 Ways to Expand Your Horizons
5. Who you are
I am who I am, and you who you are. You can be the person that you believe yourself to be.
We cannot control how people respond to that. Humans will be very cruel at times. But that does not have to stop you from having pride in yourself.
You can give yourself more to those who accept you in all of your unique glory. When necessary, hide the gift of your individuality and self-expression from those who only criticize it.
Everyone was not meant to appreciate the beauty of you. But there are those in this world who will, and if you haven’t already found them, my hope is you will one day.
Related: Own Who You Are No Matter What People Think
6. How you live
There’s a power in how we live our lives. We can live in a way that inspires the people around us. You can choose to hold yourself to a standard that’s honorable and noble.
Look within yourself to discover the traits that you most admire. These are things you can practice daily. Think of how you want to be remembered.
Think of what words you want to come to mind. Ask yourself honestly. Are people thinking this about you now?
Perhaps more importantly, are you thinking this about yourself now? You have the power to lead a life that makes you proud. Focus on this more.
It’s easy to get caught up in all that’s outside of us. But what will be, will be. Simply do what you can do. Make the best things happen.
Other helpful resources:
How to Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Change – Psychology Today
How to Stop Worrying – HelpGuide.org
These are words we need to hear & think about it. Societally Speaking, we are expected to be/have control of our lives. Like you say there is a certain amount we can have depending on the choices we make, but much of the control we seek is an illusion. I’s like the old saying “Pull up your Bootsraps”, well sometimes that is easier said than done.
When we don’t have control that can spiral into anxiety & fear, & the nagging of constant worrying & feeling that nothing can go right in your world. Too often we make decisions not out of rationality but by our emotions running wild.
Indeed. Life can often be out of our control. I try think to myself often, “No matter what, I’ll be okay.” It usually helps me to cope with the reality of what I can’t control.
You have no idea how these words helped me, especially number four. Literally brought me to tears. I have been dealing with a neighbor who has absolute hatred and anger issues toward my husband and I for twelve years, going on tirades out of the blue, swearing, calling us names and making threats. We have not responded verbally or made eye contact with her for ten years now hoping she would take the hint and leave us alone. I’m exhausted. I want peace. I pray for strength to live my best life but her vile words of hate ring in my ears after they are said. One such incident happened this week. Sometimes it causes me to lose hope, how can we find peace in our country and world when we can’t attain peace with the miserable neighbor next door?
Your words are what I needed to get by another day. Let us continue to pray, hope and not worry. Let us live our best life and strive for the peace in our hearts, and not let anyone steal our joy. Have a blessed day, everyone!
Hi Brenda. I’m really glad my words could be an encouragement to you. I really hope the situation with your neighbor can be resolved someday soon and you’ll have peace more again. I took a moment to say a prayer for you. May the best things be ahead.
Hi Brenda, I am not trying to pry but know from experience how things between neighbors can get out of control, and looking back wish I had done some things differently. I know it is about communicating, and how difficult that can be. There are many reasons why neighbors may not get along, and in restrospect I wish I had sought out a mediator with one family, and the Father specifically who had no respect for my departed husband and my privacy and it did escalate too over the years. We tried to talk but to no avail & this family caused us much pain.
Have you & your husband exhausted all avenues to deal with this. I ask because sometimes in situations we think our options are limited & then things don’t get resolved and just escalate. I wish you both luck in this matter.
Thank you Maria, I appreciate your concern and advice. We have been in contact with a community liaison officer over the years. They have been very helpful. They asked how we were handling it and said we are doing an amazing job. So we continue living our best life and hoping things get better by not antagonizing her. If she is suffering a mental illness I wish she can get the help she needs. It’s just upsetting when there’s an episode. She can be quiet for months and then go on a tirade.
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and that you struggled with a neighbor issue. Nice to hear we’re not alone.
I would like to share a prayer with everyone that helps me. And hope it does the same for all of you.
Let nothing disturb you.
Nothing affright you.
All things are passing.
God never changes.
Patient endurance attains to all things.
To whom God possesses, nothing is wanting.
God alone suffices. —St. Teresa of Avila
Eric, thanks so much for praying for us, Have a blessed day.